字神帝國英語天地

§ 簡單的東西往往帶給人們的是更多

雅思寫作練習時，很多考生認為長難句能夠提昇文章的語言品質並因此獲得更高的分數。然而有時一味地追求句子的長度反而會犧牲句子的“可讀性”與“句法準確性”。下面我們就來看一些例子，體會一些寫得並不成功的長句和如何修改的建議：

➢ 避免空洞的單字和片語

1.一些空洞的單字或片語根本不能為句子帶來任何相關的或重要的資訊，完全可以被刪掉。

比如：When all things are considered, young adults of today live more satisfying lives than those of their parents, in my opinion。

這句話當中的“when all things are considered”和“in my opinion“都顯得多餘。完全可以去掉。改為：
Young adults of today live more satisfying lives than their parents。

2.有些空洞和繁瑣的表達方式可以進行替換
例如：Due to the fact that our grandparents were under an obligation to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have at this point in time。

“due to the fact that”就是一個很典型的繁瑣的表達方式的例子，可以替換，簡化為下面的表達方式：
Because our grandparents were obligated to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have now。

➢ 避免重複

1.儘量避免重複使用同樣的詞彙。或者有的時候雖然字彙沒有重複，但意思卻有重複。這時候可以做一些簡化的工作。

例如下面這個例子：The farm my grandfather grew up on was large in size。

large對一個farm來說就是size方面的large，所以in size可以去掉，改為：
The farm my grandfather grew up on was large。

● 更簡潔的表達方式為：
My grandfather grew up on a large farm。

2.有時一個片語可以用一個更簡單的單字來替換

例如：My grandfather has said over and over again that he had to work on his parents' farm。

這裡的over and over again就可以改為repeatedly，顯得更為簡潔：
My grandfather has said repeatedly that he had to work on his parents' farm。

➢ 選擇最恰當的語法結構

選擇合適的語法結構可以使句子意思的表達更為精確和簡練。雖然語法的多樣性也很重要，但選擇最恰當的語法結構仍然是更為重要的考慮因素。以下原則是在考慮選擇何種語法結構時可以參考的原則：

1.一個句子的主詞和動詞應該能夠反映句子中的最重要的意思。

例如：The situation that resulted in my grandfather's not being able to study engineering was that his father needed help on the farm。

從意思上來分析，上面這句話需要表達的重要的概念是“grandfather's not being able to study”，而在表達這個概念時，原句用的主語是situation，謂語動詞是was，不能強調需要表達的重點概念，可以改為下面這句話：
My grandfather couldn't study engineering because his father needed help on the farm。

2.避免頻繁使用“there be”結構

例如下面的句子：There were 25 cows on the farm that my grandfather had to milk every day. It was hard work for my grandfather。

可以改為：
My grandfather worked hard. He had to milk 25 cows on the farm every day。

● 更簡潔的句式為：
My grandfather worked hard milking 25 cows daily。

3.把子句改為短語或單字。

例如：Dairy cows were raised on the farm, which was located100 kilometers from the nearest university and was in an area that was remote。

簡介的表達方式為：
The dairy farm was located in a remote area, 100 kilometers to the nearest university。

4.僅在需要強調受詞而不是主詞的時候，才使用被動語態。

例如：In the fall, not only did the cows have to be milked, but also the hay was mowed and stacked by my grandfather's family。

本句不夠簡潔的原因是本句的重心應該是“忙碌的家庭-my grandfather's family”，而使用了被動語態後，彷佛重心變成了cows和hay。下面的表達方式是主動語態，相對來說更簡潔一些：
In the fall, my grandfather's family not only milked the cow but also mowed and stacked the hay。

5.用更為精確的一個動詞來代替動詞短語，

例如：My grandfather didn't have time to stand around doing nothing with his school friends。
Stand around doing nothing其實可以用一個動詞來表達，即loiter：
My grandfather didn't have time to loiter with his school friends。

6.有時兩句話的資訊經過組合完全可以用一句話來簡練地表達

例如：Profits from the farm were not large. Sometimes they were too small to meet the expenses of running a farm. They were not sufficient to pay for a university degree。

兩句話的資訊可以合併為下面這句更為簡潔的句子：
Profits from the farm were sometimes too small to meet operational expenses, let alone pay for a university degree。